Day 8- Mom

She checked her MySpace account today which made my heart a little lighter knowing that she was ok. We still haven't heard from her and it is becoming more difficult to get out of bed in the morning. I was still at work at almost 7pm on Friday night wondering how in the heck I was going to get through the weekend with nothing but her to focus on. It consumes my every moment.

We went to a 2 year old birthday party today and as we were driving home we passed some people from the neighborhood walking. I waved and smiled at them and Gracie said to me, "Mom, I never see you smile anymore". I was crushed. How do I do this everyday? My strength is waivering, my other children are suffering. I have got to find a way to make it through.

We had decided late last week to go to church today. It has been some time since we have had a "church home". Brian made a suggestion that I wasn't thrilled with so I decided to do a google search on Cherokee County churches and I found BridgePointe. I looked at their website and saw that the current series was "Get Back Up". I decided at that moment that BridgePointe was where we would go. The Associate Pastor gave the message today on Prayer. The message was good, even really good but I found myself doubting the power of prayer while he was speaking given the current situation. I even fell asleep on Brian's shoulder for about 5 minutes. At the conclusion of his message he sang a song. Then he began praying in song unrehearsed and said "Bring our teenager home". I think I jumped because Brian put his arm around me and the tears began to roll. Luckily I was able to bring myself under control pretty quickly. We left right after that and went to the birthday party without really discussing the service. Later this evening we were sitting on the back porch and talked about it. Brian was having the same thoughts about prayer, questioning God, etc. The words from the Associate Pastor had affected him as they had me. It was a goose bump moment for sure.

Prayer isn't prayer without believing. I am believing tonight for the safe and quick return of my first born. Until then, I pray that you are okay.